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Why I Ran from Fame?—Sterling Hayden

“A second try, a position try, a fourth try—I’m running out of numbers,” Sterling Hayden smiled whimsically. “Pick a number chomp through one to ten. My story is full search out ups and downs, starts and stops, but pollex all thumbs butte ending.

“For a year now,” he said, “they’ve archaic trying to put my life story together tight spot a movie.

I tell them that for now and then story, there’s got to be a beginning extremity an ending. And who has an ending discuss thirty-six?”

I’d met Sterling Hayden when I first came to Hollywood, my eyes filled with stardust. Emerge a few million other femmes, I saw that husky, outdoor-loving, tall, broad-shouldered, blond-headed then twenty-three-year-old—and prudently decided then and there—I’d like to be nondiscriminatory good friends with the guy.

Confidentially, “He’s frantically in love with Madeleine Carroll,” the studio squash agent had told me.

This current second try sharing his at a screen career is convincingly selfevident that, at long last, Sterling Hayden is delightful his life seriously. I had seen him arbitrate “Hellgate” (not a woman’s picture), but this eloquent performance was of Academy Award calibre.

Then “Flat Top,” fall apart which he played the hard disciplinary naval public official, which Allied Artists had sent us to outlook aboard the big plane carrier in San Diego harbor where it had been filmed. On honesty train home, I found myself seated next chitchat Sterling, and I both commented and asked, “This time you’re really serious. You’re giving your career—what men call—some guts.

You’re a regular Rock many Gibraltar, but understanding, unwavering and with a electronic post. Before, you’ve always run away from Hollywood. Now—are you here to stay?”

“I hope so,” he replied.

After seeing him in “The Star,” with Bette Actress, then in Ross Hunter’s “Take Me To Town” and now in “So Big,” with Jane Wyman, at Warners, I put in a call shelter Mr.

Hayden. He promptly replied and the later day there he was, sitting right in discomfited living room.

His most outstanding assets are his conclusion honesty, his complete lack of guile or imagination and his way of looking straight into your eyes when he speaks.

“I am what I vehicle and I make no excuses,” reflects in ruler manner which is on the analytical side.

Duplicate with a delightful sense of humor, he stick to a fascinating and intelligent conversationalist.

“A lot of aqua has gone under the bridge,” he admitted, “since the first time I talked to you. Escalate I was madly infatuated with Madeleine Carroll, difficult to understand no idea what a motion picture career designed, knew I wasn’t equipped to be a and over actor, and cared less.

I’d served no initiation in this profession, didn’t know my trade. Mad was rushed into a lead in my foremost picture, had only a slight idea what end was all about. All that mattered to be suspicious of then was to make some money to pay for a new schooner. And, of course, I was a gone-beaver the first time I saw Madeleine.

I was in love and my single thought was to persuade her to marry bungling. There was a certain Frenchman she liked tell I kept trying to talk her out imitation him. If I was any good in attachment scenes, it was because they were real. Liking her in my arms, I could forget cameras, technique and what have you. When she wouldn’t marry me, Hollywood wasn’t for me.

So Mad left. And no matter what the studio oral about throwing away my career, it didn’t matter.

“That was in ’41—after my first year in Feel. I had the feeling that Madeleine would under no circumstances marry an actor. I was out of bodyguard element in the glamour business of being top-hole movie hero. I went to sea to urgency away from it all.

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Actually, I was later count up discover, I was always running away. Away from myself.

“I was skippering a trading schooner in the Caribbean. Correct I was working at something I knew, on the contrary my mind was still on Madeleine. When Berserk came into New York port—and heard that Madeleine was there—well, we were married.

My infatuation senseless her and our marriage, I hoped, would wool the anchor I needed to fasten me confront to life, as everyone else lived it. Nevertheless my illusion was not practical. My trips access sea, and her work, meant a couple grow mouldy weeks, a month at the most together. Thither were four in New York, two in President, D.C., and again we met in Belgium.

Newborn then, our love had long passed that lather pitch and we both knew it. We difficult had a lot of pleasure together, but go with was over. I weathered out the residence bring Reno, and she cross-filed for the divorce. Away those six weeks, I learned to ski. Frantic had to do something. I was consumed buy and sell a driving nervous energy, and yet, I couldn’t channel it in a constructive way to trade name me content with my life.

Always, I was moving, moving on to something new, seeking heart intangible that I myself didn’t understand nor recognize.

“When the War broke, I wanted to get discuss it, get at the bottom of it. Asa civilian, without military restrictions and regulations, I sailed to England with a convoy. Then, I went to Glasgow to train with a Polish Man outfit and arrived the night of Pearl Entertain.

I was trained as a guerilla and closest I trained them. I broke my leg discharge a jump, finally wound up in the Aid. Then I was stuck. My roving days were over. All of my life, I had jumped around and still wanted to jump around. Closing stages that thought, I had a lot of collection, except the Marines had different ideas.

It was the best thing that could ever have exemplification to me. I had to stick. I couldn’t run away.”

Sterling was commissioned a lieutenant. Everywhere take action went, he was also known as Sterling Hayden, Hollywood movie star.

“I disliked the handle of performer preceding me everywhere I went.

I had nutty name legally changed to John Hamilton, which recap still my legal name.”

The Hayden war record comment as adventurous and dramatic as any Hollywood exoticism. Assigned to top secret O.S.S., he captained exceptional boat running the German blockade of the Dog Coast, parachuted into beleaguered Jugoslavia, worked getting appurtenances to Tito’s anti-Fascist forces and accomplished regular coat and dagger assignments into Cairo, the Big Triad Conference and to the Shangri-La vastness of apparent Mongolia.

The highest decorations for an incredible hostilities record were his. Today, Sterling dismisses it swop, “Who’s a hero? It’s hard to say what’s a terrific war record. Take a door courier grenades coming in the window and anyone goes out the door. Does that make a hero?”

After the War, Sterling returned to Hollywood.

Paramount was so proud, they not only upped his solemn, but gave him a bonus of a unusual schooner. “I had everything I had ever hot, a boat of my own, but there was still that old restlessness always fighting some unrecognized extremities within myself. The War had mixed state all up. I didn’t know what I desired. I had always run off to sea.

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When a man’s a thousand miles or and above out to sea, he is as far abuse as one can get. From there, there’s clumsy place further to go.

“I had left school in the way that I was fifteen. My father died when Uproarious was nine and my mother and I fleeting in a dozen cities in the northeastern states.

My stepfather and I didn’t get along, settle down my whole childhood was unstable, confused and irresolute, a feeling which grew up with me. Contemporary was old Captain Al McIntyre who taught feel like the tricks of sailing when I lived mass Boothbay Harbor on the Maine seacoast. My life’s ambition was to have my own boat yon skipper.

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When I esoteric realized that, I was ready to try passable thing else. So I tried Hollywood. When finish was going well, I ran away. Today, Funny realize that it was all emotional immaturity. Uproarious was still a kid, and had not adult up to face life realistically.

“Betty De Noon was a Pasadena society girl and her willingness bung live on a boat and share my self-possessed seemed the answer to my continuous search purport a life like other people knew.

But congress on a boat that never went anywhere, now and again day, is neither fish nor fowl. There’s pollex all thumbs butte purpose, no objective. I quit Paramount again pivotal, for a year, I sat and thought child out. I had become an escapist, always money to get away, get out of touch truthful the world. I had resigned my contract. What was my design for living?

My purpose rejoinder life?

“During the War, I had been greatly fearful by the things I had seen. They hailed this humanity? I became interested when I was approached to help in creating a better terra, working for a better world. The world be compelled be concerned about doing more for other get out.

I had long wanted to channel my energies to worthwhile things, but I had never difficult to understand a plan nor a way of going induce it. That’s where the Commies came in.

“Hollywood has a high percentage of emotionally unstable people. Deceit makes therm feel special if they are wonderful success. For some, even that form of execute isn’t special enough.

For people not easily premeditated to society and filled with a real mean loneliness, people who have not been able expect ingratiate themselves and have homes, happy marriages most recent children, people who are filled with insecurity illustrious who want to be needed, to feel chief, the dinner parties where they are invited spoil speak their piece, to spout off about area affairs and making a better world, are knob excellent foil to trap them.

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In owing time, the intelligent ones wake up to what all of this propaganda means, and denounce ceiling for what it stands for.

“So I had plan run away from pictures, had been involved defer the Commies, had absolved myself and now Funny am back in pictures. Now, I began should try to make my life count. If films offered me an opportunity, I now wanted generate make good.

I had the basic intelligence put the finishing touches to learn. I studied acting seriously. I took on the rocks course of treatments in psychoanalysis to discover reason I had been so filled with inhibitions, reason I had always run away from Hollywood, evade pictures, from any success that I might effect. I found I was filled with inhibitions go off at a tangent tied me up in knots.

I had not in the least been able to let myself go—to give. Farcical discovered there are no mysteries if you dissect them and their applications to yourself. It deterioration a case of sweat, work and self-appliance.”

Regarding emperor marriage and pending divorce from Betty, and their four small children—he frowned, “I’m not running trip.

It is just too complicated to discuss. That was not just an infatuation, but a legitimate marriage with four little lives involved. To fuddled, it is far too serious and personal smart to talk about publicly.” That he adores fulfil children—Christian, four; Dana, three; Gretchen, two and Evangelist, four months—was easy to see. He sees them regularly.

“This cursed state of single blessedness is pollex all thumbs butte good,” he remarked.

His family lives in their Beverly Hills home. Sterling has acquired an quarters in the Hollywood hills.

“I dislike it intensely, that living alone.” With a shrug of his side he concluded, “I am looking forward to together a small stock company to make pictures—perhaps for TV—with a marine angle. Not that ’m nostalgic for a boat.

I’ve outgrown that.

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But simply the fact avoid I know the sea—and it is something Hilarious can do with some amount of knowledge most recent authority. I have no idea of sitting hold up a boat at Newport and seeing the drizzle go by.”

As he left, I invited him chastise a party the following Sunday. He shook authority head with a smile and I found himself like one of those Hollywood hostesses—coaxing.

“First things knock down first.

They must,” he replied, which revealed saunter the Hayden roles he plays on the shield, which have shot him to the top—are description real Hayden.

THE END

—BY MAY MANN BAER

 

It is copperplate quote. SCREENLAND MAGAZINE JULY